DATING CUES: Steps to a Happier and Lasting Relationship

Here're cues for healthier dating. First no sex-text or “sexting” and phone calls. One call a day is the maximum. Don't send more that 5 texts prior to your first date or else you’ll crash it. The main reason is because your relationship may then depend on text messages and telephone calls as opposed to face to face communication and mutual trust. Just to make arrangements on where to meet and the time is when you should use your mobile phone.

First date: Choose a fun and relaxing location, dress nicely yet casually, keep it short and maintain casual chats such as “Pop Culture and interests” keep the date short and don’t try to impress, maximum of 2hrs, save something for next time and finish with a warm smile with limited body contact and if you’re mutually still interested then go on a next date.

Second Date: Do something fun such as go see a movie (preferably comedy themed), broadways/theatre, concert, go bowling e.t.c try to relax and show some personality like humour, laughter and make comments when necessary don’t linger and don’t invite him/her to your place, if invited, decline politely, finish with a light kiss on the left/right cheek or a hand shake, if still interested go on a next date.

Third Date: Nice restaurant, somewhere cosy will be delightful. Don’t order the whole menu and no alcohol if possible, one glass of wine is the maximum; keep it light but reasonable, reminisce about the previous dates and then talk about each other and what the other person is looking for in a relationship, be clear on your motives, don’t mistake a one night stand for a steady relationship. Keep it real yet don’t be intrusive, ask only questions you feel comfortable enough to answers yourself, fuel the dialogue yet don’t bore each other with me, me, me...and remember to show personality but not over the top. Finish with
a warm smile and a light kiss on the lips, no spit swapping (the shorter the better) keep him wanting more and remember no sex-texts or unnecessary phone calls as you just spent the last couple of hours together. “Good Night” should be enough. No home invitations please! Your pillows and stuffed animals are enough to keep you cosy for the night. Two texts per day is the maximum. Ready for date 4?

Fourth Date: Leave it for the weekend and then go dancing. Make sure you practice your dance moves especially the guys you don’t want your date dancing away with random guys. Don’t be controlling and don’t get yourself drunk. One drink is the maximum, know your limits and keep it classy. Some smooching here and there is allowed (no breast or ass groping). Don’t stay past 2am. Finish with a nice compliment and a full kiss is allowed depending on how comfortable you are with each other. Warm caresses are allowed but no full out groping. And ladies keep your clothes on, if he wants to use your bathroom, politely decline. He could wait a couple of minutes to use his where ever that may be. Keep the making out brief and say your good nights. The guys pants are probably throbbing but guys be gentlemen, don’t push it and ladies be assertive. No sex tonight. You want to have him/her as a keeper so wait a while. No inviting anyone in. Keep him/ her out of your house. And then repeat the whole thing all over starting from date one. Make sure you see a different movie/play, order a different meal and try a different club. Keep it on a kissing level yet. I know everyone is thinking of the big night, the night when the sex happens. Well after the 9th date you could invite him in if you live with your room mate or parents. You all could get to know each other intimately, you could order pizza and then make out a bit and that’s it, don’t try to be sexy by having sex, ask your room mate or someone to stay and remind you there’ll be no sex tonight if that’s what it’ll take to keep you celibate. Send him home and not to your bedroom.

If you are still patient then on the 11th date, you could “make love” in the most romantic way by first having dinner at home, either of you may decide to cook. Try as best as you can to enjoy the meal. Remember you have the whole evening and you want it to last. Listen to some music after dinner and maybe dance a bit or just cuddle in a couch. Ladies wait for him to make the first move and then you have what might be the most important conversation but you don't have to wait for him to make the first move if you're really horny *smiles*. Let him or her know that you would like this relationship to be exclusive before you go any further, meaning no more messing around with other girls or guys, it will have to be monogamous from there on. After you have agreed, tell him/her that you are the kind of girl/guy who consummates a relationship and then cuddle with your partner in bed till day break, so in other words you expect him/her to be there in the morning and the next day. Then after the conversation, make sure you have your condoms ready and that he wears them before any intercourse takes place. Then you may enjoy the rest of the evening. Keep the condoms on in the future till you both decide to do your STDs test and the tests results are in.

Well that’s about it. It’s not a cemented guarantee to a lasting union but it is way more fun and gratifying than a sex date. What do you think?

KC Nwokoye is an international contributor for SG2 Magazine.