Doing and Receiving Favours

A couple of days ago I was speaking to some group of individuals and I asked them about their relations with people and how they generally find others in their neighbouring or foreign communities in terms of support. Many had a few choice words such as people aren't the friendliest especially when they have no intimate information or interest about a person. I asked the entire group if someone had ever smiled at them at random on the street and surprisingly three out of ten in the group said they've had people smile at them in the street and I asked them how they felt, one of the group members named Rina said it was like saying sweet nothings in her ears. She said it felt very good even though it was of no importance or significance. She said it made her feel special and she smiled back and went on to smile at three other people that day who returned the smiles. She added that it was a unique experience yet one she would love to experience everyday. See how infectious that simple smile was? Three more people got to smile that very day.

Often times we forget the power of a nice gesture regardless of how meaningless it may seem. It goes a long way even if it's just a smile, wishing someone a "Good Morning", giving compliments, adjusting your friends askew or crooked outfit e.t.c. These nice acts of goodwill often improve our state of being. The same analogy can be drawn when talking about favours. Doing something for others and having others do something nice in return is a consistency in our human experience that has impacted so many lives in a very positive way. Favours is basically how humans thrive in this microcosm that we inhabit. "something done or granted out of goodwill, rather than from justice or for remuneration; a kind act: to ask a favor".
There are many people who would put their lives on hold to lend a friend, colleague, family member, an acquaintance a supporting hand. Many of these people fail to realise that as they accumulate doing favours, it inadvertently influences the way they are viewed in a very positive light. A good example is one from a colleague of mine. Valerie works as a translator and she does alot of pro-bono translations for friends. One day a friend of hers who she does translations for was asked if he knew anyone who was a translator, ofcourse her friend and colleague by the name of Simon knew many translators but the one person who came to his mind was Valerie. He recommended Valerie for the job which went on to earn her not only a long term partnership contract with the company in which she did the first translation work, but also it put her in an esteemed light in the eyes of Simon. Simon's recommendation of Valerie soared into many opportunities. Shortly after, she asked Simon "what made you recommend me for the job?" Simon's reply was "because I knew I could always count on you because over the years you proved it by being there for me when I needed it the most". The bottom line is if Simon hadn't been conscious of Valerie's goodwill then it might have slipped his memory that he owes someone a favour. I know some people who get favours from others but never acknowledge them when the right opportunity presents itself. It's only fair that we acknowledge those who have been there for us without them asking for it.

There are still some people who don't know how to ask favours in return like a very close friend of mine. He has family members and friends who owe him favours but he never takes advantage of it because he claims he doesn't want to be in anyone's debt. I remind him that those people are already indebted to him and he might as well give them some opportunity to return the goodwill. We have to remember that we really have got only one life to live. Having a lot of unreturned favours is like having lots of money in the bank and refusing to spend it when the need arises. If we don't spend it, the money remains and yields interest that may never come in handy because a time comes when we won't be able to use the favours because we're too old or have passed on. It's okay to ask for favours and also to ask for one in return when we need it especially if it'll improve our situation. That is the energy that guides the world "one good turn deserves another". Note that sometimes some might abuse the favour given them by emotionally blackmailing those who they think owe them favours. We shouldn't have to resort to this malicious form of extracting favours in any case.

When we do favours, it only improves our opinion of ourselves because people know they can count on us, they can trust us to deliver and who says good news doesn't travel fast? Remember in the case of Valerie, it did. When we seek favours, it demonstrates our vulnerability as human persons which is an attribute of our human nature, reflecting the need to energize ourselves through relations with our fellow humans. It connects people, society, nations and our world. Great leaders have sought favours and have returned them all in a bid to be improved. When an opportunity arises to experience the art of doing favours; if it's going to be to your advantage then you might as well explore it or someone else might. Note we're all connected to eachother in a cycle that never ends.

By,

K.C Nwokoye.

Oranges and Apples

Life has dual phases, two sides to every thing
Two faces to a human being
The distinction of youth and old age
The passions of hate and love
The anguish of pain parallel to
The euphoria of pleasure

There’s an agony to rejection,
While acceptance yields ecstasy
Often contradictory is the ambivalence of
Freewill and The Stronghold of determinism
The dichotomy of romance and its semblance to
The Orange and Apple

Despite the sweetness of these fruits,
There remains an element of undesirability
Might there be a problem with me?
Am I defective? Are my flawed?
Why am I not wanted? Why can’t I be loved?
Asks the Orange, asks the Apple

Soon we realize,
I can either be resented or loved
Sometimes I cause allergies
Other times I restore health.
In my weakness, lies my strength
I am unique, I am an Orange
I am special, I am an Apple
Nothing can change this fact
Not even me, for this I can only be
For this I will always be
True to myself, true to all.

I am an orange, I am an apple
Love me, resent me
I cannot be otherwise
I can’t be anything else but me
I can either be accepted or rejected
This fate I have come to accept/embrace
I am an Orange, I am Apple.

By

K.C Nwokoye.

When You Love Someone

Often times people say that love is overrated and cliche well truth be told, love is as old as it can get. It dates back to the start of humanity. I believe that its out of love that we are able to achieve our full human potential. Love makes the world a better place and there's never getting enough of it. Some people make comments such as "love sick" and I wonder what sort of love they might be feeling, is it the invigorating scent of life, the bloomingdales of spring and the spring of youth? Love is all but sick. Love is as fresh as it gets. It's like old wine, the longer the better.

When we read magazines or listen to songs, no one talks about the grey love, love turned old with age but vibrant with experience and kindness. The love that our grand parents share, the love that we have encountered in the presence of our parents that even age did nothing to defuse, the lovers may seem wilted but the bond of love remains the same in them, growing stronger with age. Yes, that's the love I'm talking about. The sort of love that fills your heart with joy when you behold the one you love, the love that play sweet melodies in your heart that only you undertand the rhythm to. The love that accentuates the littlest things in life that bring tears of delight into our soul, the love that makes us appreciate life and want to live another day. That's the love I am talking about.

Loving someone can be the hardest thing for many but also the simplest thing for some because they allow it run its course, they nourish and respect it enough to give it autonomy. Love is a special gift that some might forget its simplicity which is ingrained in its complexity. The complex aspect of love is illuminated when we loose it because we weren't paying attention or we just took it for granted. The loss of love is what hurts most times, not the concept or feeling of love itself, but the thought that we've lost something so valuable and meaningful and have come to this realisation.

Love my friends doesn't possess, when you love someone you experience inexplicable liberty, the freedom is what makes it love because the essence of freedom of it allows one to love you, allows you fall in love. Sometimes people find love and want to hold on to it with every strength they can muster, they want to contain it and control it. When this is done, it corrupts the pureness of love. Love like it is popularly said, "knows no bounds" .We shouldn't try to control the love that others have freely givien us, because we might loose it. Love chooses who it wants and it's a gift that we should appreciate and enjoy instead of finding ways to possess it like a piece of property, and ensuring that we keep it by all means. We shouldn't be afraid of love or the thought of it.

Fearful and painful is love turned toxic and therefore has lost its zest. When it becomes a struggle, it gives rise to the controlling or abusive partner who thinks that as long as they monitor and limit their partner's love then they'll maintain the love and be in charge of it. Unfortunately this only leads to pain and hurt for the abuser of love and the abused.

Love allows us be, you can't force someone to fall in love with you, you also can't change yourself so that a person would love you. Love chooses who it wants despite flaws. Have you ever seen two people you thought weren't physically or intellectually compatible? Well I suppose we all have once in our life, that goes to show that love is its own person, regardless of our social, academic or physical differences. It's our moral obligation to allow it be and not try to turn it into something else or capitalize on it. This only leads to further abuse of what we've come to know as love.

Unfortunately, this is the case in many relationships. When love becomes a struggle then it's no longer love, it's been corrupted and it's time to let it go. When you love someone you allow them be themselves and you celebrate them whether or not they choose to love you back. You can't force love on someone else or simply create it like a sculptor. Love is autonomous, has always been, will always be. We love who we love and are loved by them simply because it is. When you find love cherish it, enjoy it and don't fight it. Just let it be.

Love is all encompassingly good. When you love someone you don't possess them; when you love someone you allow them be themselves; when you love someone you tell them and then show it, when you love someone you celebrate them; when you love someone you know when to let go.

Much Love,

K.C Nwokoye

Choosing Right

The human existence has been infinitely defined by making decisions. We are consistently making one decision or another that may define our lives in the long term or short term. Many of us find it quite simple in making decisions and it's become a modern advantage to having a successful career, life or family.

The question of choice is so mulitifaceted that we sometimes focus on the visible and the short term orientation of our choices. Bear in mind that choices we make whether directly or indirectly should have intrinsic benefits attached to it. In order to make the right choice, the questions we need to ask ourselves are "is this choice the right one?" "Would this choice make me happy?" "is this choice value oriented?" "Who's going to be hurt by the choices that I make?" "Are my choices against natural justice or the law?" "Does this make me a better person?" "Are my proud of this decision I'm making?" e.t.c

When we take our time to think about the choices we make or are about to make, these afore listed guiding principles should suffice. The most important thing about decision making is that we're able to go to sleep at night knowing that we've done all that can be humanly done in the situation. Our choices shouldn't harm us but bring the best out of us.

The question of choice may sometimes be ambiguous however let's look at Melanie for example, Melanie a young and beautiful 24 year old girl meets up a guy and they begin to date, soon after their first couple of dates, Melanie realizes that her new boyfriend is becoming moderately controlling and exhibits unfounded jealousy. He makes comments such as "if you ever leave me, I'll kill myself or if you ever leave me you'll regret it". The red flags are up but Melanie is blinded by passion even when deep down she knows that something isn't right. Melanie has a choice of staying in this seemingly toxic relationship or walking away. Melanie stays on believing she's having the time of her life and doesn't confide in anyone about the questionable innuendos she's getting from her new boyfriend. The bottom line is that Melanie's boyfriend eventually becomes abusive and causes extreme emotional and physical harm to Melanie that now she is beyond recognition. Did Melanie have a choice? Did she have to wait until the relationship got ugly before she realized that it wasn't right for her? Well, it didn't have to get ugly, all she had to do was choose right. The same example can be applied to the sort of company (friends) we keep, the sort of marriage we create, the sort of jobs we take and the lifestyle we keep. We may not be able to control everything but the one power we have is to decide what we want from what we have. Choice defines it all. The ultimate question will be if we're choosing right.

In making decisions, we should remind ourself that the most important element of choice is choosing right and hoping that our choices make us better, stronger, wiser, more loving, happeier e.t.c, it should accentuate the Good in our life. In the end, everything else would fall in place.

Live your best life!

Speak Out Against Evil!

When a person threatens harm to you if you disclose a crime or an act of violence done to you or a third party, the right action to take is actually to report that threat to a law enforcement agency or to family members or close friends. Hence you're much safer as your assailant will think twice before harming you (again) as more people will be watching over you. People who stay silent usually end up harmed or killed.

There are so many people who have died violently in the hands of their assailant whom they had secretly agreed not to disclose an information that represents a crime or an act of violence against them or others. These naive people often believed that by remaining silent then they would be safer. Unfortunately the opposite is the case for many. To be safe, you have to speak out and tell someone about this threat because then you have a chance at justice if something happens to you. On the other hand, that person threatening you could be restrained by the law or put in jail. It is never a wise alternative to cover up a crime or keep a deadly secret and be silent about it because that may come back to haunt you.

Speak out against violence today and tell your story to someone you trust, preferably to a law enforcement agency.

Good Luck!

How We Can Become Happier: Appreciating the Work, Loving Life more!

Waking up in the morning to find out that your sandwiches are on the table and wrapped up in your lunch bag, waiting for you. This is the routine every morning for millions of youngsters, teenagers, husbands, some wives and children. You come home from work to find out that the house is clean and the laundry has been done and the sheets of your bed is clean. You know that when you get home there'll be someone waiting to give you a hug, that when things are sour you will always have a shoulder to cry or lean on. The reality and challenges of life differs for many however the basic fundamental which is the hard work that has been put into making that early morning breakfast, doing the chores, supporting others in times of distress remains the same. Do we recognize the work? Do we appreciate it?

In life we strive to attain different goals and in the struggle to make possible our goals we put in a lot of hard work whether it's simply making an A grade in school or graduating from a learning institution or auditioning for a role as an actress or musician or interviwing for a job. For most of these situations, there's been hours of hard work that has led up to that final examination or the possibility to be able to attend that audition or interview. The bottom line is that a lot of work has been put into it to make it a reality. How much do we appreciate that job when we get it? How much do we appreciate the work we've put in to get that job?

A good example is Paul, he's wanted a car of his own even before he learned to drive. Paul worked two jobs just to save enough money to buy a car and he worked those jobs for two years. In the end, Paul buys the car. When he got into the car which is a used car, he feels very proud of himself for an instance and test driving the car was one of the best feeling he's had in a really long time. A couple of weeks later Paul begins to compare his first car, the used Golf which he's been wanting for a really long time to other cars he saw on the road. He continued comparing his car to every other car he found on the street that soon he hated his car. He felt embarrassed to be in his car and all he was thinking just after one Month of buying his car was that he was going to buy a new car soon, a better one, something better that the golf which he thought has become rubbish. Paul promised himself that this wasn't his real car and that soon, very soon he was going to buy a new car and start living the real life.

What's the whole point of Paul's story? Well Paul forgot about the work. He forgot those long days and nights that he would miss out on parties and spending time with his friends because he was trying to save enough money to buy a car. He didn't appreciate the hard work that he's put in, the time, energy, sacrifices, sweat and money that he had put in to be able to save enough money to buy himself a new car. He forgot about his dream of buying a car that he would ride with his friends and travel to cities he's never been to. Paul forgot about all of the most important things especially -the work that was put into buying that car. The only thing he allowed himself see was that his car was a used car and it wasn't the best in the street. Paul didn't appreciate the work that went into the car because if he had, he would love his car because it's all he always wanted, he would enjoy riding his car, he wouldn't compare the car with other cars on the motor way, or in the car park and on the streets because only he knows the amount of work he had put in to get the car. This is what happens to many of us, we loose sight of our dreams even when we're living it because we forget about the work. We stop appreciating the reality of it. We compare our worst to someone else's best.

This analogy is typical of our lives. We want some things in life so badly and we would do everything we humanly can to get it. When we get it, we don't appreciate it for long because we forget the work and therefore we don't enjoy life. This is the reason why many people are unhappy with life.

Married couples become dissatisfied with their marriages because they forget the hard work of, loving, emotions, sacrifice and years of investing time in order to make their marriage work, they forget that and then sometimes make big mistakes like cheating on their partners, they forget their wonderful children and all the work they put in to make those kids strong individuals. They forget it and so they ruin what they have.

Actors or musicians sometimes forget the hard work they have invested into their careers and they stop appreciating all the opportunities that have been given them and have come their way, they forget the sacrifices they have made to have what they do now. Sometimes they forget the grace they have and they stop appreciating "the work". Some of them turn to hard partying and drug abuse because they have forgotten who they were or how they got to where they are. The point they start remembering the work that has been put into to get them to the point they are, that's when their lives will take a positive turn around. And many would end up happier and live longer. Maybe enjoy a better career!

When life seems like it's going no where, take a look down your memory lane and remind yourself of the work, appreciate the work and your life will automatically seem better. For those trying to keep fit, when you think of the work it's taken you to manage your health and weight, it'll make you appreciate being healthy and you'll be back on track for living a healthier life.

There's always a chance of salvaging the situation turned bad, we just have to remind ourselves of the work we've put in, or remind ourselves that we have to put in the work because nothing worthy comes without some work and finally whatever we get from life (family, friends, careers, gifts, love, relationships e.t.c) we should appreciate the work that has been put in and it'll remind us to love life more and be grateful.

Choose to live your best life always.

K.C Nwokoye.