Think your Mr. Next has the potential to be Mr. Right? Before you leap without looking, take an honest inventory. See how many of the following five essential traits he possesses.
Dating Trait #1: He listens to you
The best way to know if Mr. Next is interested in (and worthyof) being a candidate for Mr. Right? He listens to you. You'll know he's listening when he shows genuine concern, consistently remembers things you've told him (your birthday, favorite food, best friend's name, etc.), and offers emotional support in honest and thoughtful ways.
Dating Trait #2: He connects with you easily
We've all been in those relationships that take W-O-R-K (and suck the life force out of us in the process). When a relationship works on its own, it feels effortless, easy, and fluid. You don't have to force anything, forgive anyone, or turn a blind eye to red flags or gut-twisters. Instead, you communicate and collaborate with comfort, compatibility, and undeniable chemistry. If and when you experience this kind of interaction, you are on to something really special.
Dating Trait #3: He wants the real you
So often, women feel the need to sacrifice some part of themselves to make a relationship work. In the right relationship, there's no need. You don't have to hide, tone down, or apologize for any aspect of you or your fabulous life. With the right partner, you're not only able to be yourself, but you're better able to be the best version of your most authentic self -- no compromises needed.
Dating Trait #4: He's trustworthy
“A relationship without trust is doomed from the start.”
A relationship without trust is doomed from the start. But a relationship with abundant trust? A fabulous foundation for real and lasting love! Built over time, trust is based on the simple belief system that your partner has your best interests at heart and will never intentionally hurt you (and vice versa). If and when you discover that Mr. Next is 100 percent trustworthy, you'll have no trouble giving your heart to him. In return, he'll most likely give you his heart and pave the way for a lasting, loving relationship to unfold.
Dating Trait #5: He enriches your life
In the wrong relationship, your partner tears you to emotional shreds, brings you down, and in general drains your energy. In the right relationship, he enriches your life, inspires you to be your best self, and brings a sense of peace and possibility to you. You'll know Mr. Next is enriching your life if and when he encourages and supports you professionally, personally, and spiritually. And when he does, he may just be Mr. Right!
Does your Mr. Next possess all five qualities? If so, congratulations! You have done your homework, chosen wisely, and are now well positioned for relationship success.
If not, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back into the dating pool with a clearer understanding of who you want to date. Remember, finding your life partner isn't always easy, but by being clear, honoring yourself, and acting accordingly, you'll cut down on wasted time with Mr. Wrong and Mr. Next, and ultimately make room for Mr. Right.
By dating expert Lisa Steadman
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Sunday, March 14, 2010
How To Become A Positive Thinker!
Many times we feel like our world is slowly crashing down on us and there's nothing we can do to make it better. Well help is on the way and that help is you. The mind is a powerful phenomena and there is nothing the mind isn't capable of accomplishing when it is given direction.
In this case you are the pilot and the captain as you're in charge however, when you don't know you're in charge of a situation then you don't take full responsibility. The good news is now your mind has awakened to the reality that you have Volition and are responsible for navigating the dimensions of your mind to do what you Will and think in a positively different direction. A good example is when you decide to do a particular thing for example to study; even when all your senses aren't cooperating or responding as quickly as you Will, you eventually get them to focus. You concentrate on studying or doing anything that at that moment seemed important. It could be driving for some, helping a child with their homework, learning to do a particular thing or focusing on doing a good job. This is an example of directing the mind because it is within your power of influence. Many people don't take advantage of the power of their mind. We sometimes allow our mind to drift away into negative territory where we are overwhelmed with fear to move on and do better. Other times we don't sway our minds in any direction, we live in an endless inaction that doesn't seem to improve our situation or propel us into an awareness of a better life. Here are some tips to spark our mind into thinking positively that will inadvertently improve the quality of our life. When we begin to think in a positive light, many good things happen.
First step is to be happy that you are alive and that there's hope to have a better life if you give it a chance. Being alive is the single most crucial element of our human existence, as it registers hope. It means that we are capable of effecting meaningful changes, that we can dream. The importance of being grateful for our life cannot be overemphasized, that alone should put a smile on your face.
Second step is you have to look around you and be thankful for the things you have such as your loving family, friends, your talent, your job and your health. There are many things that are around us that should be appreciated always. Look for those things and say aloud to yourself. "I am blessed and have a good life because I have friends and family that love me. I have hope to be better and happier. I am a talented person, I will not only survive but will thrive". Say whatever you are proud of, for instance your children, your accomplishments e.t.c. Remember that you never know the value of what you have till you loose it. Don't wait until you've lost something valuable to appreciate its presence and existence. Start now and tell those you love that you love them, do the things you love. You've got just one life to live. Also accept love when offered.
Third step is to write positive things about your life in your diary or a note book you can carry with you easily. Write every good thing that you do, every good thing that happens to you and when you feel a little bit depressed or sad, look into this diary and remind yourself of the good things in your life. Make sure to write and anchor your mind back into positive thinking. Writing calms our nerves and is evidence of the good around you.
Fourth step: What are those things that make you happy? Write out the things that make you happy, such as your interests, your hobbies and find ways to do them. Come up with action steps and plans that will support the things that make you happy. Write out how to make it happen for you even with your limited time. If thinking positively is a top priority for you then you have to do what it takes to make it happen. We have to work on happiness just as we work on other things that are important to us. For example if you enjoy concerts and singing or writing poetry, sports, social gatherings and so on then find the appropriate platforms and people that have these interests and join them. You could also attend locally organized activities that support your happiness or better still organize one. Just find ways to do what you love and what makes you happy.
Fifth step: Talk about the good things in your life. When you meet with people, talk about the good things that happened to you or how good you feel about something, maybe your hair cut, your ideas, your interests e.t.c, you'll realise that this will make you happier and people would enjoy your company more. Many people dwell on their insecurities and flaws and share it with anyone willing to listen unfortunately it only worsens the situation because when people look at you, they are reminded of all your insecurities. For example someone always complaining about their weight, when next you see them you're inching to see if they have put on extra kilos or if they've lost some. On the other hand someone who might be overweight but talks about everything great about them but their weight, very little or no attention is attributed to their weight but to other things. This removes any pressure or concern about their weight because there's more to them than what they weigh. Feeling good also comes with saying positive things about yourself. Give yourself some credit and grace. Be proud of yourself and tell the good news not the negative. You should only talk about your problems when you are sure the person will be able to help you solve them and it's highly recommended to talk to a professional or someone you really trust being confident that the person won't judge you continuously by it. Otherwise it will only make people see your problems and not the so many good things about you. Bottom line, focus on the good.
Sixth step: Smile at yourself in the mirror, smile at someone or two people you see on your way to work even if you don't know them. It's going to make you feel good. Help people when you can and say something nice to someone everyday. When you do nice things, it reminds you of how generous, kind, good natured and warm hearted you are. These positive attributes make us feel and think positively about ourselves. Just thinking about doing something nice for a friend, loved ones, strangers improves my mood. I'm sure you'll feel the same.
Seventh Step: When things go wrong, maybe at work or in your personal life, don't spend time worrying about the problem, think about solutions. If you can't make it better, learn from it and move on.
Final step: I find meditation to be very effective. Spend a certain amount of time for instance two minutes daily in thankful prayer or in silence and reflect on the progress of your positive thinking. It not only calms you but allows you see things clearly.
I hope these steps will guide you through positive thinking. It may take some time to get used to this way of thinking but your brain will adapt to the changes shortly. Remember you're the captain here. You're in control and you influence your mind in ways that make you a better person. Choose to live your best life by thinking positively today.
KC Nwokoye is a Professional Communicator and columnist for SG2 magazine.
In this case you are the pilot and the captain as you're in charge however, when you don't know you're in charge of a situation then you don't take full responsibility. The good news is now your mind has awakened to the reality that you have Volition and are responsible for navigating the dimensions of your mind to do what you Will and think in a positively different direction. A good example is when you decide to do a particular thing for example to study; even when all your senses aren't cooperating or responding as quickly as you Will, you eventually get them to focus. You concentrate on studying or doing anything that at that moment seemed important. It could be driving for some, helping a child with their homework, learning to do a particular thing or focusing on doing a good job. This is an example of directing the mind because it is within your power of influence. Many people don't take advantage of the power of their mind. We sometimes allow our mind to drift away into negative territory where we are overwhelmed with fear to move on and do better. Other times we don't sway our minds in any direction, we live in an endless inaction that doesn't seem to improve our situation or propel us into an awareness of a better life. Here are some tips to spark our mind into thinking positively that will inadvertently improve the quality of our life. When we begin to think in a positive light, many good things happen.
First step is to be happy that you are alive and that there's hope to have a better life if you give it a chance. Being alive is the single most crucial element of our human existence, as it registers hope. It means that we are capable of effecting meaningful changes, that we can dream. The importance of being grateful for our life cannot be overemphasized, that alone should put a smile on your face.
Second step is you have to look around you and be thankful for the things you have such as your loving family, friends, your talent, your job and your health. There are many things that are around us that should be appreciated always. Look for those things and say aloud to yourself. "I am blessed and have a good life because I have friends and family that love me. I have hope to be better and happier. I am a talented person, I will not only survive but will thrive". Say whatever you are proud of, for instance your children, your accomplishments e.t.c. Remember that you never know the value of what you have till you loose it. Don't wait until you've lost something valuable to appreciate its presence and existence. Start now and tell those you love that you love them, do the things you love. You've got just one life to live. Also accept love when offered.
Third step is to write positive things about your life in your diary or a note book you can carry with you easily. Write every good thing that you do, every good thing that happens to you and when you feel a little bit depressed or sad, look into this diary and remind yourself of the good things in your life. Make sure to write and anchor your mind back into positive thinking. Writing calms our nerves and is evidence of the good around you.
Fourth step: What are those things that make you happy? Write out the things that make you happy, such as your interests, your hobbies and find ways to do them. Come up with action steps and plans that will support the things that make you happy. Write out how to make it happen for you even with your limited time. If thinking positively is a top priority for you then you have to do what it takes to make it happen. We have to work on happiness just as we work on other things that are important to us. For example if you enjoy concerts and singing or writing poetry, sports, social gatherings and so on then find the appropriate platforms and people that have these interests and join them. You could also attend locally organized activities that support your happiness or better still organize one. Just find ways to do what you love and what makes you happy.
Fifth step: Talk about the good things in your life. When you meet with people, talk about the good things that happened to you or how good you feel about something, maybe your hair cut, your ideas, your interests e.t.c, you'll realise that this will make you happier and people would enjoy your company more. Many people dwell on their insecurities and flaws and share it with anyone willing to listen unfortunately it only worsens the situation because when people look at you, they are reminded of all your insecurities. For example someone always complaining about their weight, when next you see them you're inching to see if they have put on extra kilos or if they've lost some. On the other hand someone who might be overweight but talks about everything great about them but their weight, very little or no attention is attributed to their weight but to other things. This removes any pressure or concern about their weight because there's more to them than what they weigh. Feeling good also comes with saying positive things about yourself. Give yourself some credit and grace. Be proud of yourself and tell the good news not the negative. You should only talk about your problems when you are sure the person will be able to help you solve them and it's highly recommended to talk to a professional or someone you really trust being confident that the person won't judge you continuously by it. Otherwise it will only make people see your problems and not the so many good things about you. Bottom line, focus on the good.
Sixth step: Smile at yourself in the mirror, smile at someone or two people you see on your way to work even if you don't know them. It's going to make you feel good. Help people when you can and say something nice to someone everyday. When you do nice things, it reminds you of how generous, kind, good natured and warm hearted you are. These positive attributes make us feel and think positively about ourselves. Just thinking about doing something nice for a friend, loved ones, strangers improves my mood. I'm sure you'll feel the same.
Seventh Step: When things go wrong, maybe at work or in your personal life, don't spend time worrying about the problem, think about solutions. If you can't make it better, learn from it and move on.
Final step: I find meditation to be very effective. Spend a certain amount of time for instance two minutes daily in thankful prayer or in silence and reflect on the progress of your positive thinking. It not only calms you but allows you see things clearly.
I hope these steps will guide you through positive thinking. It may take some time to get used to this way of thinking but your brain will adapt to the changes shortly. Remember you're the captain here. You're in control and you influence your mind in ways that make you a better person. Choose to live your best life by thinking positively today.
KC Nwokoye is a Professional Communicator and columnist for SG2 magazine.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
DATING CUES: Steps to a Happier and Lasting Relationship
Here're cues for healthier dating. First no sex-text or “sexting” and phone calls. One call a day is the maximum. Don't send more that 5 texts prior to your first date or else you’ll crash it. The main reason is because your relationship may then depend on text messages and telephone calls as opposed to face to face communication and mutual trust. Just to make arrangements on where to meet and the time is when you should use your mobile phone.
First date: Choose a fun and relaxing location, dress nicely yet casually, keep it short and maintain casual chats such as “Pop Culture and interests” keep the date short and don’t try to impress, maximum of 2hrs, save something for next time and finish with a warm smile with limited body contact and if you’re mutually still interested then go on a next date.
Second Date: Do something fun such as go see a movie (preferably comedy themed), broadways/theatre, concert, go bowling e.t.c try to relax and show some personality like humour, laughter and make comments when necessary don’t linger and don’t invite him/her to your place, if invited, decline politely, finish with a light kiss on the left/right cheek or a hand shake, if still interested go on a next date.
Third Date: Nice restaurant, somewhere cosy will be delightful. Don’t order the whole menu and no alcohol if possible, one glass of wine is the maximum; keep it light but reasonable, reminisce about the previous dates and then talk about each other and what the other person is looking for in a relationship, be clear on your motives, don’t mistake a one night stand for a steady relationship. Keep it real yet don’t be intrusive, ask only questions you feel comfortable enough to answers yourself, fuel the dialogue yet don’t bore each other with me, me, me...and remember to show personality but not over the top. Finish with
a warm smile and a light kiss on the lips, no spit swapping (the shorter the better) keep him wanting more and remember no sex-texts or unnecessary phone calls as you just spent the last couple of hours together. “Good Night” should be enough. No home invitations please! Your pillows and stuffed animals are enough to keep you cosy for the night. Two texts per day is the maximum. Ready for date 4?
Fourth Date: Leave it for the weekend and then go dancing. Make sure you practice your dance moves especially the guys you don’t want your date dancing away with random guys. Don’t be controlling and don’t get yourself drunk. One drink is the maximum, know your limits and keep it classy. Some smooching here and there is allowed (no breast or ass groping). Don’t stay past 2am. Finish with a nice compliment and a full kiss is allowed depending on how comfortable you are with each other. Warm caresses are allowed but no full out groping. And ladies keep your clothes on, if he wants to use your bathroom, politely decline. He could wait a couple of minutes to use his where ever that may be. Keep the making out brief and say your good nights. The guys pants are probably throbbing but guys be gentlemen, don’t push it and ladies be assertive. No sex tonight. You want to have him/her as a keeper so wait a while. No inviting anyone in. Keep him/ her out of your house. And then repeat the whole thing all over starting from date one. Make sure you see a different movie/play, order a different meal and try a different club. Keep it on a kissing level yet. I know everyone is thinking of the big night, the night when the sex happens. Well after the 9th date you could invite him in if you live with your room mate or parents. You all could get to know each other intimately, you could order pizza and then make out a bit and that’s it, don’t try to be sexy by having sex, ask your room mate or someone to stay and remind you there’ll be no sex tonight if that’s what it’ll take to keep you celibate. Send him home and not to your bedroom.
If you are still patient then on the 11th date, you could “make love” in the most romantic way by first having dinner at home, either of you may decide to cook. Try as best as you can to enjoy the meal. Remember you have the whole evening and you want it to last. Listen to some music after dinner and maybe dance a bit or just cuddle in a couch. Ladies wait for him to make the first move and then you have what might be the most important conversation but you don't have to wait for him to make the first move if you're really horny *smiles*. Let him or her know that you would like this relationship to be exclusive before you go any further, meaning no more messing around with other girls or guys, it will have to be monogamous from there on. After you have agreed, tell him/her that you are the kind of girl/guy who consummates a relationship and then cuddle with your partner in bed till day break, so in other words you expect him/her to be there in the morning and the next day. Then after the conversation, make sure you have your condoms ready and that he wears them before any intercourse takes place. Then you may enjoy the rest of the evening. Keep the condoms on in the future till you both decide to do your STDs test and the tests results are in.
Well that’s about it. It’s not a cemented guarantee to a lasting union but it is way more fun and gratifying than a sex date. What do you think?
KC Nwokoye is an international contributor for SG2 Magazine.
First date: Choose a fun and relaxing location, dress nicely yet casually, keep it short and maintain casual chats such as “Pop Culture and interests” keep the date short and don’t try to impress, maximum of 2hrs, save something for next time and finish with a warm smile with limited body contact and if you’re mutually still interested then go on a next date.
Second Date: Do something fun such as go see a movie (preferably comedy themed), broadways/theatre, concert, go bowling e.t.c try to relax and show some personality like humour, laughter and make comments when necessary don’t linger and don’t invite him/her to your place, if invited, decline politely, finish with a light kiss on the left/right cheek or a hand shake, if still interested go on a next date.
Third Date: Nice restaurant, somewhere cosy will be delightful. Don’t order the whole menu and no alcohol if possible, one glass of wine is the maximum; keep it light but reasonable, reminisce about the previous dates and then talk about each other and what the other person is looking for in a relationship, be clear on your motives, don’t mistake a one night stand for a steady relationship. Keep it real yet don’t be intrusive, ask only questions you feel comfortable enough to answers yourself, fuel the dialogue yet don’t bore each other with me, me, me...and remember to show personality but not over the top. Finish with
a warm smile and a light kiss on the lips, no spit swapping (the shorter the better) keep him wanting more and remember no sex-texts or unnecessary phone calls as you just spent the last couple of hours together. “Good Night” should be enough. No home invitations please! Your pillows and stuffed animals are enough to keep you cosy for the night. Two texts per day is the maximum. Ready for date 4?
Fourth Date: Leave it for the weekend and then go dancing. Make sure you practice your dance moves especially the guys you don’t want your date dancing away with random guys. Don’t be controlling and don’t get yourself drunk. One drink is the maximum, know your limits and keep it classy. Some smooching here and there is allowed (no breast or ass groping). Don’t stay past 2am. Finish with a nice compliment and a full kiss is allowed depending on how comfortable you are with each other. Warm caresses are allowed but no full out groping. And ladies keep your clothes on, if he wants to use your bathroom, politely decline. He could wait a couple of minutes to use his where ever that may be. Keep the making out brief and say your good nights. The guys pants are probably throbbing but guys be gentlemen, don’t push it and ladies be assertive. No sex tonight. You want to have him/her as a keeper so wait a while. No inviting anyone in. Keep him/ her out of your house. And then repeat the whole thing all over starting from date one. Make sure you see a different movie/play, order a different meal and try a different club. Keep it on a kissing level yet. I know everyone is thinking of the big night, the night when the sex happens. Well after the 9th date you could invite him in if you live with your room mate or parents. You all could get to know each other intimately, you could order pizza and then make out a bit and that’s it, don’t try to be sexy by having sex, ask your room mate or someone to stay and remind you there’ll be no sex tonight if that’s what it’ll take to keep you celibate. Send him home and not to your bedroom.
If you are still patient then on the 11th date, you could “make love” in the most romantic way by first having dinner at home, either of you may decide to cook. Try as best as you can to enjoy the meal. Remember you have the whole evening and you want it to last. Listen to some music after dinner and maybe dance a bit or just cuddle in a couch. Ladies wait for him to make the first move and then you have what might be the most important conversation but you don't have to wait for him to make the first move if you're really horny *smiles*. Let him or her know that you would like this relationship to be exclusive before you go any further, meaning no more messing around with other girls or guys, it will have to be monogamous from there on. After you have agreed, tell him/her that you are the kind of girl/guy who consummates a relationship and then cuddle with your partner in bed till day break, so in other words you expect him/her to be there in the morning and the next day. Then after the conversation, make sure you have your condoms ready and that he wears them before any intercourse takes place. Then you may enjoy the rest of the evening. Keep the condoms on in the future till you both decide to do your STDs test and the tests results are in.
Well that’s about it. It’s not a cemented guarantee to a lasting union but it is way more fun and gratifying than a sex date. What do you think?
KC Nwokoye is an international contributor for SG2 Magazine.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Monday, March 1, 2010
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