Tuesday, December 29, 2009

The Power of Hope...

Just recently I was chatting with a couple of friends and we began making comparism amongst people from different racial and socio-cultural backgrounds about how they coped in challenging times differently yet fundamentally deploying the same tactics. There were a couple of questions about why some thrived in certain stuations and others didn't. We analyzed a variety of situations that appeared favourable to some and to others didn't. After our deductions it became clear. The one thing that remained constant with those who thrived was their resign to be hopeful. When you see a typical joyful individual amidst what many may characterize as a state-of-despair-situation yet they seem to be holding up pretty well. Many may describe them as being insensitive, in denial or not living in the current reality. Truth be told, many of these folks are simply doing what they know best which is having an expectation of a future or tomorrow that will shine on them or observing the circumstance from one of its multifaceted perspectives. One might view the loss of a love one as an oppotunity to give life their best shot as passing away is a reminder of how they have but one life and should cherish it as best they can. Many may call it being optimistic and many more labels. Many a times their expectations are in little things, like for the farmer it may be more rain as opposed to a season plagued by draught, for the teacher it may be that atleast one pupil shows adequate understanding of the course, for a married couple it might be reinforcing their union with a sign of affection that may mean their significant other is still in love with them even if the cue is a mere ten seconds glare looking into each other’s eyes or a warm smile that reassures their committment to each other. It doesn’t have to be a dramatic campaign of promises for a better life or infinite fidelity but simply exhuming atoms of trust in the unseen. These are demonstration of hope in many ways that might be oblivious to the average person yet profound personally and tangible to its holder.

I vividly recall being a young child with an ailing parent. My Dad had been chronically afflicted with an ailment that didn’t seem like it was going away anytime soon. During that difficult time, I would crawl up to his bed after school just for one thing. You might be wondering that I anticipated that my father would be miraculously cured of his affliction when I get there, well to be candid I did partially. Nevertheless, the one crucial thing I hoped the most which wasn’t as ambitious yet assuring was to feel my father’s pulse in motion and his calm breathing. Even when he was asleep I would lean so closely into him just to feel his breath on my face. How I loved the tingling feeling I received. That experience was what got me through.I would burst out excitedly from his room with so much vivacity because I was confident that my father was going to make it through the day and will be there when I get back after a session of football with my mates. My father’s pulse and breathing sustained me for the entire day and I felt happy and enjoyed my play time with friends even for a short amount of time during one of the most challenging time in my life. So we demonstrate elements of hope in subtle ways even amidst turmoil that gives us the strength to propel.

You might wonder "what is this hope?” well it could mean alot of things for instance it’s simply the feeling or belief that what is wanted can be attained and that events will turn out for the best. It's a feeling of a better situation and a better tomorrow. I look back in my life repeatedly and reflect on my journey through life and I think, wow what a long way I've come and I feel a sense of satisfaction not connected to my achievements but to the hurdles I was able to overcome because I was hopeful. We often don’t give precedence enough credit to reassure our future. When I was writing my Master’s thesis I was overwhelmed at some point that I may not meet the deadline, I soon had to remind myself of the different stages of academic final examinations that I had completed and drew strength from there even if there was no gurantee that I would automatically complete the latter. If I didn’t have the hope that it could work then I might never have completed my thesis. The same analogy can be made in our businesses and personal lives. You attend an interview because you hope to get the job, you’re given the job because your new employer hopes you’ll fulfill your responsibility adequately, you’re given a promotion because there’s hope you’ll do a better job all based on one form of precedence or another. The pattern continues yet we forget sometimes that what makes us get up in the morning is the hope ingrained on our insides.

I strongly believe that hope had a lot to get me through the toughest times in my life and yours too. Times like when a loved one passed away or I had to confront a challenging situation, make decisions that were difficult, discontinue a bad or unhealthy relationship or resolve a crisis situation. I always knew that someway and somehow, something positive was going to come out of it. The positive didn't necessarily mean a successful turn out of events or a miraculous happening. A friend of mine was in an abusive relationship for several years and couldn’t leave her abuser who also happned to be her ex because she didn’t think she’ll do better than what she had at the time. After several encouragement from her closest she eventually made the move. She had to go back to university because she dropped out of school to be with her ex who is very wealthy. She had to share a room with two other girls which wasn’t anything like the glamourous live she had. Sometimes she contemplated returning to her ex who was ready to take her back and kept reassuring her she was no good without him and won’t amount to anything worthy. She worked two jobs to get herself through evening and weekend studies. She’s finally completed her bachelors degree in Economics and pursuing her Master’s degree which according to her was very challening and almost seemed unattainable less for the inner strength and support of her closest that helped her endure severe circumstances during those seemingly endless years. She currently works for an insurance company and works in sales. Her self-worth has truly increased and she’s confident there’s nothing a person can’t do if you apply yourself and put your best foot forward. It was arduous for her and still is because she’s got to pay her bills and shoulder several familial responsibilities. However if you ask my friend Yvonne how she does it, she simply answers “it’s hope my friend and nothing more...” she never know what tomorrow will be like but she believes it’ll be better than her abusive past. She believes she’ll be a happier person as the day grows as long as she continues to make the choices that will improve her personhood.

A positive outlook is sometimes based on our learning experience, the ability to understand the situation and accept responsibility, to impart or impact a person's existence through the telling of anecdotes. I am determined to believe the next day would be better and still do. *Smile* This I like to call my definition of hope. Hope is the one essence no one can rob you of. Hope is that which lies underneath our inner core and intrinsic self that can only be controlled by its possessor-us.

Hope doesn't make our problems go away sometimes but it helps in putting our stress hormones in check. Hope makes us want to live another day, to try out for another job interview, take on a new job, leave a bad situation behind, forgive an enemy or a rogue friend etc. and look on the brighter side of life. It offers us a chance to be better, benevolent and loving. Hope gives our dreams a chance to be realized. Hope keeps us alive! Research has shown that when people are faced with their darkest situation, the one thing that propels them is hope. They believe in possibilities regardless of how faint and bleak it seems at the moment. I love hope. It's what keeps the American dream alive, that “you-can” attitude which otherwise might have remained passive or dormant. Hope is what sets the ball rolling. I can only hope that you keep your hope alive and develop it to get it to a level where no one and nothing can stop you from hoping, from becoming better and instilling the "I-can-do-it" attitude and "we can" spirit. It is worth trying and that's why it's HOPE. Starting is challenging and beginning requires an awareness of wanting to, believing and giving that situation a sense of hope. When you've lost everything remember the one thing that still lingers on and has the potential to improve things is your hope, you just have to believe in yourself that “yes I can do it no matter what”, and keep trying. Surely you will succeed, it has always worked for me. That’s another reason we should celebrate inspiring people like Barack Obama and many others whose hope for a better life got them to where they are today to remind us of our own prospects and endless possibilities when not giving up. I reach for it in my times of need. Try to be the cat with nine lives, ignite your hope power and put it to work now!

K.C Nwokoye.